This blog is part of series of articles, parodies and satire based on my thoughts on the trends, reactions and experiences (both individual and shared) of society. Some you may agree with, some you will probably vehemently disagree with and that's absolutely fine.

The content within this site is mostly fictional. Some of the people really exist. Some of the events really happened. But don't bank on any of it by using it in a pub quiz or to sound well-read when conversing with colleagues. Also, to anyone whose name is contained within this site, I know you didn't really do that thing I said you did. I just thought people might like me if I said you did. No need to sue me.

It is in no particular order. It's just one guy, his notebook, a coffee and a dream...

Friday, April 22, 2011

Apple: You think YOU'VE been let down by tracking software?

CUPERTINO, CAL – Apple CEO Steve Jobs has confirmed that the tracking software installed on every iPhone since June 2010, invading the privacy of many thousands, has been a complete waste of development time and money.

During an emergency press conference held on Wednesday, 20 April, Jobs said “I confirm that the current rumour circulating on the web regarding tracking software on iOS 4 is true. We have had the ability to track your every movement for the past 9 months and can also confirm that we have discovered nothing of use nor of interest. Coffee, school, work, home, coffee, school, work, home...that's all you people do. Get a life.”

What started as amazement and disbelief turned gradually into rage for many iPhone devotees, but that rage quickly dissipated into disappointment and self-loathing when those users came face-to-face with the reality of the last 9 months.

“Unbelievable. Is that all I've done?” said San Diego resident James Francis. “Man, I thought I was living this unpredictable, bohemian lifestyle. I was way off. I don't know why my parents are so frustrated with my life choices. I'm just like them.”

Apple's soon to be released iOS 4.4 update, which contains a programme to track your suppressed hopes and dreams against your physical achievements, is due for release in July 2011.