McCain-Palin play the ignorance card...

Hearing John McCain and Sarah Palin make their closing arguments about Barack Obama's policies, rhetoric, history and associations puts me in mind of watching Homer Simpson argue with Marge. The McCain campaign says that Obama's association with Bill Ayers requires further clarification and a straight answer as it is suspect. Palin is quoted as saying:

And -- not only those terrorist activities that Bill Ayers was involved in, but the questions need to be asked, I believe, when did Barack Obama know of these activities? We've heard so many conflicting stories, and flip-flop answers about when he knew the guy, did he realize that he knocked off his political career in the guy's living room?

Flip-flop answers? I have heard Obama say several times that he was 8 when Ayers committed his terrible crimes. I'm guessing that, as good as he is, Senator Obama didn't know about them then. He has fully explained his relationship with Ayers as being members on a board for the same charity for 4 years. When they met, Ayers was a college professor.

When the idiot-couple heading the McCain campaign then come out and say "Oh, right. Well, we heard differently. That's all I'm saying." it's because THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES SAYING ANYTHING CONTRARY TO OBAMA'S STATEMENTS. They are taking their own word for it. It's unbelievable.

The same goes for the surge in Iraq. McCain keeps repeating that Barack Obama has never admitted he was wrong on the surge in Iraq being a success. This is blatantly untrue. Obama has said to the press on at least two occasions (once to Bill O'Reilly on Fox News of all places, showing the Obama still has time to do charity work) that:

I think that the surge has succeeded in ways that nobody anticipated ... I’ve already said it’s succeeded beyond our wildest dreams.

The McCain response to this involves the lesser seen but always popular "la, la, la, I'm not listening" school of politics, then going straight into telling the Republican no-information voters that "that one" has definitely never, ever stated that he agrees that the surge worked.

Apparently, McCain and Palin are no-information voters too.

You have to earn it...

Despite recent efforts by the UK Government to rectify the imbalance, a report released today has confirmed that, on average, men who dedicate their lives and time to keeping home and raising children earn 13% less respect than female counterparts performing exactly the same duties.

James Lurman, a spokesman for the support group 'Homes Of Male Operation', called the news "shocking":

HOMO has been campaigning for 'equal respect for equal work' for a decade now, but it appears that the message is not being heard clearly enough.

The report also shows that egalitarian women have dirtier houses and less healthy children than archetypal total bitches.

Sorry, but are you kidding me?...

I see that Senator John McCain has formally requested of Senator Barack Obama that the first Presidential debate, to be held tomorrow, be delayed so that he may focus on reviewing America's current economic crisis.

Is he serious? The current US financial woes have been in the making for nine years. Some of the world's largest financial institutions are on the brink of bankruptcy. People are losing their homes. The world's stock markets are extremely volatile and sway from good to bad every hour and John McCain, with a self-confessed 'lack of knowledge regarding economic matters', wants to delay a debate and get this problem rectified quick-smart. How? What is he going to do? Is John McCain going to sell a couple of his smaller houses and loan the ailing Wall Street $700 billion instead of the taxpayer?

While he is at it, why doesn't he just ask Obama if they can delay a face-off until all troops withdraw out of Iraq, Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzalez are a distant memory, Guantanamo Bay is a theme park and Sarah Palin actually has some experience?

Quite rightly, Barack Obama declined the request to delay the debate, saying, and I may be paraphrasing here, that in such desperate times, the American public deserve to hear exactly who does have a plan, as well as a spine.

No more questions...

On September 13th 2008, police in Canton, KS, broke up a ring of local residents found convening in the back room of The Lucky Shoe, a local saloon. After a tip-off from an anonymous source, police stormed the room to find between 12 and 15 local residents reading news publications, discussing the pros and cons of gun ownership and actually debating the policies of Senator John McCain and Senator Barrack Obama in the run in to the 2008 Presidential election before they made a decision which could literally make or break the greatest and most influential nation in the world.

Local officer Dean Smirnoff reported;

We received word that some local folks was dealin' in unbiased, deliberated thought. After a 2 hour stakeout using surveillance to determine the gravity of the situation, we overheard one of those scumbags admitting to another member of the gang that he "may have a point and perhaps Sarah Palin's lack of control over her own family does show a certain hypocrisy and maybe has valid political ramifications". At that point we knew that we just had to get in there before they could get that kind of filth out on the streets. I mean, Jesus, one of them was even on that there series of tubes checkin' out the New York Times. Do you have any idea what the street value of a Michael Falcone article is?

The group are to be charged on counts of not being real, not being small-towny enough and possessing dangerous material of an informative nature which made lead to actually questioning values. The bust is worth an estimated $33 million to the Republican Party.

And the winner is...

In the race for the White House, which has produced both the first African-American Presidential nominee in Barack Obama and only the second ever woman to be included on a Presidential ticket in Sarah Palin, Independent nominee Bob Barr today announced his running mate in his bid to become the first Independent Commander in Chief of the United States of America. Amayeta Tongate, a wheelchair-bound Native American from the great state of Wisconsin will be presented as the Vice Presidential hopeful in November's election. Mr Barr confirmed the appointment, stating that Miss Tongate has strong family values nurtured through her 13 year same-sex relationship with high school sweetheart Mary-Kate Jonsworth, cemented by their marriage in San Francisco in 2007. Miss Tongate is also a veteran of both the first and second Gulf Wars, bringing first-hand foreign policy experience to the role of VP. Mr Barr concluded the press conference challenging the two major parties to "beat that!".

Look to the Skys...

The English Football Association today announced a new deal worth £244 million for the live broadcast of all England Football International games, striking up a partnership with the BBC, Sky, Setanta and ESPN to provide total coverage of all games that, unfortunately, no-one will be able to watch due to expense involved in purchasing all those seperate sports packages. The total cost of purchasing all packages to enjoy the non-stop, thrill ride of England Internationals is £218 per month.

Effective from the World Cup Qualifier against Andora on September 6th 2008, all England home games that take place on a Saturday will be broadcast live on BBC1, all home games which take place on a Wednesday will be live and exclusive on Setanta 1, England away games starting with a letter in the first half of the alphabet will be shown only on Sky Sports 2, with away games taking place against nations whose name starts with a letter in the second half of the alphabet being shown on ESPN 8 "The Ocho".

Wake Up...

Local resident Shane Matthews, 30, who has a less than exemplary credit history, today begged local Starbucks Batista Janine McLoughlin to put his Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte and banana nut muffin "on the slate" following the "unexplained" declination of his debit card. Mr Matthews, a regular at the Blue Ray Mall location of the popular coffee establishment, pleaded with 19 year old McLoughlin that he was "good for it" and that the staff should know him well enough by now to know that he is not the kind of guy who just runs away from owed favours. However, Mr Matthews' gas company begged to differ, confirming that he was indeed unreliable, immature and selfish and that, if it was their decision, they wouldn't even let him have a black filter coffee and a biscotti.