Apple: You think YOU'VE been let down by tracking software?

CUPERTINO, CAL – Apple CEO Steve Jobs has confirmed that the tracking software installed on every iPhone since June 2010, invading the privacy of many thousands, has been a complete waste of development time and money.

During an emergency press conference held on Wednesday, 20 April, Jobs said “I confirm that the current rumour circulating on the web regarding tracking software on iOS 4 is true. We have had the ability to track your every movement for the past 9 months and can also confirm that we have discovered nothing of use nor of interest. Coffee, school, work, home, coffee, school, work, home...that's all you people do. Get a life.”

What started as amazement and disbelief turned gradually into rage for many iPhone devotees, but that rage quickly dissipated into disappointment and self-loathing when those users came face-to-face with the reality of the last 9 months.

“Unbelievable. Is that all I've done?” said San Diego resident James Francis. “Man, I thought I was living this unpredictable, bohemian lifestyle. I was way off. I don't know why my parents are so frustrated with my life choices. I'm just like them.”

Apple's soon to be released iOS 4.4 update, which contains a programme to track your suppressed hopes and dreams against your physical achievements, is due for release in July 2011.